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Losing and finding yourself in relationship

Learning to be yourself in a relationship is something we all can struggle with. Will they get disappointed if I just say what I think? Or will they get hurt?

For years, I looked at the other.

“What does he want?”

“What is he doing right now?” And most embarrassingly…”If only he called me, I would be happy.”

For a long time, it didn’t even occurto me to ask myself, “What would I like right now?”

 

Stockholm couples therapy parterapi family constellations familjekonstellationer blog

When I did finally start asking myself…

“What if he doesn’t want the same thing?

If he doesn’t, and I choose myself, I will lose him. Better just do what he thinks is better.  Then, I don’t lose him.”

The problem is, in that moment, I lose myself!

And actually, then comes a second problem: I become un-authentic. A fraud. An actor. A child. Helpless.

And a deep pressure starts building in my chest and belly. And resentment. Anger. A type of hate. Hate that is first directed at him, for believing that he is controlling my life.

But the real hate, the deeper anger is actually towards myself.

For not choosing myself. For letting myself down. For not listening to my innocent, natural voice.

 

Lately, it’s gotten better. I’ve started listening. When I do choose to listen, a deep sense of calm comes. I feel full. Whole again.

 

The moment it happens, and it only takes a moment, not later, not tomorrow, but now.

When I choose my own impulse in this moment, I instantly grow-up, my relationship is transformed. I become a partner and not my partner’s child asking about what to do next.

 

In a moment, the child in me that once faced him asking for more has moved to his side, looking in the same direction, as adults.

 

In that moment, I feel my breath, I feel my heart.

I am free.

To practice just being authentic and natural, counselling in English in Stockholm is available, as well as couples therapy and counselling. Family Constellations sessions in groups or an individual setting are also offered.

Star Sapphire: Body, essence, male and female

Osho therapy stockholm workshops terapi grupp

 

We are very excited that Moumina Jeffs will be coming to offer us this 3-day workshop sure to be filled with joy, love and spontaneity.
Star Sapphire: Body, essence, male and female in Stockholm this February 28-March 1 2020.

There’s a very direct route to experiencing presence: your body. Even when the mind gets lost in pain and worry, the body remains spontaneous and alive. So this workshop starts with the body. It steps right past the censorship of the critical mind and liberates a great source of vitality.
We will come into connection with a wellspring that is fresh and new moment to moment.
Starting from this body-connectedness, we will explore the two polarities of male and female inside us. Whether we have to deal with difficulties in our relationships or make choices affecting our work and daily life, we will discover that this inner polarity reveals resources and new creative possibilities that our logical mind would have no access to.

This is an aspect of Star Sapphire energywork, a method to support the inner essence of a person. This essence is like a presence, a luminosity, or an awareness of the present moment.
Meditation is the milieu, the relaxed watchfulness, within which this essence arises.

Moumina is the former Director of the Centre for Transformation in the Osho International Meditation Resort in India and has been leading workshops and trainings all over the world for over 30 years. She specialises in Pulsation (neo-Reichian emotional release breathwork), Neo-Reichian body type reading, Star Sapphire psychic energywork and Family Constellation therapy.
Moumina has a magical way of creating a safe atmosphere in which to express the deep-seated emotions that can lead to real transformation.

This weekend workshop will take place at a beautiful space at HumaNova in lovely Gamla Stan in the heart of Stockholm.

Workshop times (approximate)

Friday, February 28th
10am Start
Lunch 13:30 to 15:00
Day ends 20:00

Saturday, February 29th
8:00 OSHO Dynamic Meditation
9:00 Breakfast break
Start 10:00
Lunch: 13:30 to 15:00
Day ends: 20:00

Sunday, March 1
8:00 OSHO Dynamic Meditation
9:00 Breakfast break
Start 10:00
Lunch 13:30-14:30
Day ends: 17:00

Workshop price: 3950 kr, plus moms for companies

Many healthy snacks and teas will be offered during breaks.
Please bring your own breakfast or lunch or enjoy one of the many cafés or restaurants in the area during lunchtime.

This workshop is non-residential.
Support for nearby accommodation is available.

Spaces are limited to 20 participants.

For booking or questions, please contact Jivan at jivan@kindfulness.se or 076-0455-299

Review – Anu, Stockholm

Jivan’s loving, open, attentive and allowing presence has been deeply supportive. She has a very soft, welcoming and delightful touch to her work and she has supported me greatly in my process. What I also love about meeting her is that she radiates positivity, flow, and love for life! She is profoundly professional and very intuitive. In working with her, I have gained insights into my life, I have connected to my core and discovered hidden emotions and tensions, and been empowered to take the next step. I can highly recommend working with Jivan, and I want to give a big thank you to her!

– Anu, Stockholm

Oktober: Retreat för par – på Kreta

Fördjupa er relation på Kretas vilda och vackra sydkust. Ge er själva en vecka för att komma närmare varandra och få in ny energi i er parrelation.

I vår hektiska vardag är det lätt hänt att vi fastnar i rutiner och börjar känna att vi sakta förlorar närheten till vår partner. Vi märker att vi inte tar den tid vi brukade för att kommunicera med omsorg, ger inte varandra vår fulla uppmärksamhet och glömmer bort att uttrycka och visa hur viktig vår partner är för oss. Vi glömmer till och med bort våra egna behov.

Jag och min hustru, Jivan (även hon terapuet), har utformat och leder denna workshop. Den riktar sig till par som längtar efter att komma närmare varandra och uppleva fördjupning och få ny energi in i relationen. Här har ni en chans att göra det i en avslappnande och otroligt vacker miljö där ni också kommer att ha en underbar semester.

Workshopgruppen kommer att bestå av högst 5 par, vilket möjliggör en mycket personlig upplevelse. Er integritet är mycket viktigt för oss. En liten del av tiden arbetar vi tillsammans, men för det mesta kommer du arbeta enskilt med din partner och en av oss.

Under den här veckan arbetar vi i ett lugnt och avslappnat tempo varvat med fritid och utforskande av den otroligt vacka och oexploaterade kuststräckan där ni bor. Ni kommer att få flera värdefulla verktyg för att komma närmare varandra, inklusive Kärleksfull kommunikation, Förlåtelse och Hur man omvandlar frustration till förtroende, närhet och förståelse.

Den här veckan innebär inte gruppterapi, utan en möjlighet för er som ett par att tillsammans formulera er gemensamma vision och djupaste längtan. Ni kommer att ha gott om tid att processa och utforska, individuellt och som par. Så ge er denna veckoretreat, som även kommer att innebära en underbar semester för er båda!

Både avkoppling och äventyr om ni vill

Södra Kreta är en unik del av Grekland, känt för sin mäktiga natur, god mat, avskildhet och långa orörda stränder. En idealisk miljö för kärlek och närhet. Workshoppassen äger rum i samma hus som ni bor i, ZorbaZen House – ett högklassigt boende i ett smakfullt renoverat traditionellt hus med utsikter och atmosfär som ni kommer att älska.

Vår vecka börjar med ankomst den 17 oktober, då vi kommer att börja på kvällen med en kort introduktion.
Vi kommer att ha workshops på förmiddagarna från 18 oktober till den 21.
22-23 oktober är avsatta för privata sessioner, koppla av på ZorbaZen House eller utforska ön på egen hand.
Utcheckning den 24 oktober.

Workshopen hålls delvis på engelska med översättning till svenska om så önskas

Exempel på dagsschema

08: 30 närproducerad / ekologisk frukost
09: 30 workshop
13: 00 närproducerad / ekologisk vegetarisk lunch
Bad-Beach / Fri tid / Guidade vandringar / Vinprovning (Individuella sessioner och parsessioner på begäran)
19: 00 Middag

Pris
6500 kronor, inklusive moms, per par.

I priset ingår: 7 nätters dubbelrum i ZorbaZen House, 4 dagars parworkshop, en privat parsession, mestadels ekologiska frukostar, mestadels ekologiska luncher och te & kaffe hela dagen, samt 3 utsökta middagar.
OBS: Priset inkluderar inte flyg, transfer till / från flygplatsen, transporter. Hyrbil rekommenderas starkt. Ryanair har mycket billiga biljetter denna period. Gå in på www.ryanair.se och sök på flyg till Grekland-Chania.

Bokning

För att boka eller för mer information, ring mig på 0708 84 93 40 eller eposta till alfdx9.se

Om Alf & Jivan

Som ett par, har vi upplevt separation, skilsmässa, infertilitet, cancer, föräldrars död, 2: a generationens invandrarproblem, kulturella / religiösa skillnader, språkskillnader, att vara styvförälder, börja en ny relation, åldersskillnader, kulturella skillnader i mans- kvinnorollen, föräldraskap, svärföräldrar ….

Vi kan lära oss av sådana upplevelser och de kan hjälper oss att växa som individer och som ett par, eller de kan vara förödande.
Med hjälp av meditation, lärare och tålamod har vi omvandlat dessa utmanande upplevelser till djupare empati och medkänsla för oss själva, varandra som ett par och andra.

Med hjälp av våra erfarenheter, olika modeller och verktyg och vår intuition, hjälper vi många individer och par hitta sin egen väg till ett rikare liv för att fördjupa sin medvetenhet, tillit och trygghet. ..

 

I SVERIGE:

Jag kommer under våren 2015 hålla en workshopseriei ”Mina drivkrafter och kommunikativa behov – en kurs för människor som jobbar med människor” uppdelad på 4 workshopar à 3 timmar. Om du jobbar i skola/förskola, omsorg, eller liknande kommer dessa workshops att lära dig massor om hur du genom att driva din personliga utvecklijng även får bättre förståelse för de människor du arbetar med. Hör av dig om du har frågor eller för att meddela intresse.

Parterapi I Stockholm på Östermalm. Boka här

Be Yourself, No Matter What They Say. 5 Ways How

                                                                   Just be yourself.

 

 

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Sounds easy. I’ve heard it many times, and for many years, I thought I was actually being myself.

The truth is, I wasn’t. I was pretending.

When someone asked me to do something, I did it. I often did not pause to feel what was right for me or what I wanted to do. Mechanically, I performed. I wanted to be liked. I wanted people to think I was smart, capable and nice.

I wanted to be the ”good girl”. I grew up with the idea that if i did what I was told, I was a good girl. I would get more smiles and less conflicts. I wanted to be loved. Not being liked was the most painful thing I could think of. So I adjusted to everyone at every moment according to what they wanted from me.

I smiled when I felt sad, felt guilt about feeling angry, and danced when i felt like sitting. In the meantime, I lost myself. I forgot who I was and what was important to me. I kept looking on the outside for approval, and lost what I now know is most important to me: My own voice.

My voice, my voice!! I get happy just writing those words! Our voice is makes us unique and extraordinary and is God-given. It is our light that guides us through life! Our sadness, our anger and our joy are all to be celebrated! Now I am the ”bad girl”. I’m the girl who says ”no” to things I don’t want, even if others think it’s wrong, and yes only to things I do want. And this helps me feel more alive. Setting boundaries and embracing our feelings makes us lighter and more energetic. Juicier. All of our feelings are unique to us, fresh and  true. What can be better that that? Pretending to be something else? I don’t think so.

If we listen closely, our voice is speaking softly to us  each and every moment. Our voice can often go against everything we were ever told.  That is ok. It just means something new wants to be explored and that something new wants to come through you. And that can be scary. Because each and every one of our voices is so unique and different, it can often feel alone.

But if we can have fun with it and transform it into something creative, what comes after can be magical. Sadness can become a beautiful dance, anger a beautiful sharing with a friend, and joy, the most amazing meal you ever created. Any feeling can be transformed into creativity. If that’s not magic, I don’t know what is.

That magic, your magic, then serves the world. And all you had to do was be yourself.

 

5 practices that help me be myself:

-Accepting and breathing with my feelings, including anger and sadness. They are all there to help me learn something and guide me. They are my sacred truth

-Accept that I have my own truth and was meant to live the life I truly want, not the life others think is good for me

-Follow my own voice and trust its intelligence and its goodness–no matter what

-Transform the energy of feelings into something creative such as writing or dancing

-Not taking myself too seriously. Relaxing and having fun!

 

I would love to read about ways your have learned to stay true to yourself.

 

Jivan Dios is a Canadian Family Constellation Therapist living & working in English, French & Greek in Stockholm, Sweden and on the island of Crete in Greece where she offers couples therapy and counselling as well as family constellations sessions and groups. Meditation is her passion. 

 

Online Therapy is also available.

 

English therapy stockholm couples therapy meditation osho parterapi samtalsterapi familjekonstellationer