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Be Yourself, No Matter What They Say. 5 Ways How

                                                                   Just be yourself.

Loved for who we are

Sounds easy. I’ve heard it many times, and for many years, I thought I was actually being myself.

The truth is, I wasn’t. I was pretending.

When someone asked me to do something, I did it. I often did not pause to feel what was right for me or what I wanted to do. Mechanically, I performed. I wanted to be liked. I wanted people to think I was smart, capable and nice.

I wanted to be the ”good girl”. I grew up with the idea that if i did what I was told, I was a good girl. I would get more smiles and less conflicts. I wanted to be loved. Not being liked was the most painful thing I could think of. So I adjusted to everyone at every moment according to what they wanted from me.

I smiled when I felt sad, felt guilt about feeling angry, and danced when i felt like sitting. In the meantime, I lost myself. I forgot who I was and what was important to me. I kept looking on the outside for approval, and lost what I now know is most important to me: My own voice.

My voice, my voice!! I get happy just writing those words! Our voice is makes us unique and extraordinary and is God-given. It is our light that guides us through life! Our sadness, our anger and our joy are all to be celebrated! Now I am the ”bad girl”. I’m the girl who says ”no” to things I don’t want, even if others think it’s wrong, and yes only to things I do want. And this helps me feel more alive. Setting boundaries and embracing our feelings makes us lighter and more energetic. Juicier. All of our feelings are unique to us, fresh and  true. What can be better that that? Pretending to be something else? I don’t think so.

If we listen closely, our voice is speaking softly to us  each and every moment. Our voice can often go against everything we were ever told.  That is ok. It just means something new wants to be explored and that something new wants to come through you. And that can be scary. Because each and every one of our voices is so unique and different, it can often feel alone.

But if we can have fun with it and transform it into something creative, what comes after can be magical. Sadness can become a beautiful dance, anger a beautiful sharing with a friend, and joy, the most amazing meal you ever created. Any feeling can be transformed into creativity. If that’s not magic, I don’t know what is.

That magic, your magic, then serves the world. And all you had to do was be yourself.

 

5 practices that help me be myself:

-Accepting and breathing with my feelings, including anger and sadness. They are all there to help me learn something and guide me. They are my sacred truth

-Accept that I have my own truth and was meant to live the life I truly want, not the life others think is good for me

-Follow my own voice and trust its intelligence and its goodness–no matter what

-Transform the energy of feelings into something creative such as writing or dancing

-Not taking myself too seriously. Relaxing and having fun!

 

I would love to read about ways your have learned to stay true to yourself.

 

Jivan Dios is a Canadian Family Constellation Therapist living & working in English, French & Greek in Stockholm, Sweden and on the island of Crete in Greece where she offers couples retreats, therapy & holistic healing.

 Online Therapy is also available.

contact jivan@opentherapy.se

+46.760.455.299

 

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Feeling stressed? Read this.

It happens to all of us. We feel overwhelmed. We feel tired. We can’t focus on what we’re doing. This is what I call Stress.

You’re looking at that computer screen with a blank stare. You don’t remember ever having chopped those 2 onions. You think to yourself, “Let me just keep going”, even though something is just not feeling  right inside. You need to stop. Now. You are feeling stress.

Stress means that You are trying to tell You something and it’s time to listen.

First thing’s first. Close your eyes. Breathe. Breathe again. Look for a quiet space where you can be alone and relax, be it at work, home or (even better) outside. While siting down, feel your bum on the ground or seat. Feel how the ground or seat is supporting you.

Relax your body, or as many muscles as you can, and breathe. Ahh! Doesn’t that already feel better?

Now, let’s gently go a little deeper. Breathe through your mouth at a slow, steady pace for a few moments. Be curious about what you’re feeling. Notice any discomforts or pain in your body. Is your chest tight? Maybe your shoulders are tense. Do you have a headache?

Becoming aware of our physical sensations first can help us feel emotions we have a hard time with or didn’t even know we had.

While staying with your breath and these bodily sensations, you may begin to notice different feelings coming up. Are you feeling sad about that argument? Maybe you’re feeling angry with that colleague? You might even feel sad and are crying for no reason at all. Good. This is all very good. You are listening to and honouring yourself! This is the time to allow all of that to happen. It is actually more than ok to feel angry, sad and hurt. It’s called being human. The important thing is to take a few moments to actually feel those things and to allow it all without judgement, and not put them aside and “wait for later” cause “it’s not a good time”, and my personal favourite, “I shouldn’t feel this way”. All of these feeling are energies that need to be released, just like when you feel like dancing when you feel happy…it just needs to happen.

Energy needs to move!
Something amazing can happen when you express exactly who you are and how you really feel….You feel free and alive and You have become your own best friend. You were there for You!

Plus, you might even remember how many onions you chopped.

 

 

Jivan Dios is a therapist living and working in English, French & Greek in Stockholm, Sweden and on the island of Crete, in Greece where she offers couples retreats, therapy & holistic healing. Online Therapy is also available.

email jivan@opentherapy.se

tel .+46.760.455.299

 

What tools do you use when you feel stressed?

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And feel free to comment below….

 

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