Learning to be yourself in a relationship isn’t always easy. In this article, I share how choosing yourself transforms connection. Explore how couples therapy in Stockholm, individual counselling, and Family Constellations can support authentic relationships and deeper self-trust and understanding.
Losing and finding yourself in relationship
Being yourself in a relationship isn’t always easy. Many couples I meet in couples therapy in Stockholm struggle with the same questions: Will my partner be disappointed if I say what I really feel? Will they be hurt if I show my true needs?
For years, I was focused only on the other:
“What does he want?”
“What is he doing right now?”
And most embarrassingly… “If only he called me, I would be happy.”
It never occurred to me to ask: “What would I like right now?”
When I finally did start asking, fear came up:
“What if he doesn’t want the same thing? If I choose myself, I might lose him. Better to just go along with what he wants—then I don’t lose him.”
The problem was: every time I chose him over me, I lost myself.
And with that came another problem: I became inauthentic. A fraud. An actor. A helpless child. Pressure grew in my chest and belly. Resentment. Anger. Even hate. At first toward him—for “controlling” my life—but deeper down, it was anger at myself.
For not choosing me.
For letting myself down.
For ignoring my own innocent, natural voice.
Choosing Yourself
These days, it’s better. I’ve started listening. And when I do choose myself, a deep calm arrives. I feel whole again.
The moment it happens—just one moment, not tomorrow, but now—something shifts. When I follow my own impulse, I grow up. My relationship transforms. I stop being the child asking what to do, and I become a partner—standing side by side, looking in the same direction, as adults.
In that moment, I feel my breath. I feel my heart.
And I am free
Therapy in Stockholm & Online
Practicing authenticity isn’t always easy on your own. Support is available through counseling in English in Stockholm, individual therapy, and couples therapy. You can also explore Family Constellations in Stockholm—offered both in groups and individual sessions.
